


The Monster's Key

by morgay



Category: Mr. Robot (TV)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Trauma, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Past Child Abuse, Past Drug Use, Past Sexual Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Spoilers, Suicidal Thoughts, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:48:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23870356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morgay/pseuds/morgay
Summary: After the Deus group hack, Elliot confesses his deepest, darkest secret to Darlene.
Relationships: Darlene Alderson & Elliot Alderson, Elliot Alderson & Mr. Robot
Comments: 7
Kudos: 65





	The Monster's Key

**Author's Note:**

> _Major spoilers for season 4 of Mr. Robot! Continue at your own discretion._

"Mr. Robot.... I... I talked to him."

Elliot is sitting on the couch, staring out of the dark window, eyes flashing as LED Christmas lights flicker. He slowly turns his head to his sister, squinting, confused. "What? When...?" His voice is low, raspy. He doesn't remember everything, but all Elliot knows is that they owned Whiterose - owned the Dark Army, the Deus Group.

Darlene is staring at him, and he doesn't like the caution behind her gaze, the concern. It makes him feel like he's selfish, because she already has a shitty enough life, he doesn't need to bear more burden on her. "Right before the hack."

Elliot's skin goes cold. His face visibly pales and he turns his head away, beginning to shake. He can feel Vera's blood splattering all over his body, the crimson drops staining his neck. He screws his eyes shut and breathes in heavily. "No," is all he says.

"Elliot." Darlene moves forward and sits beside her brother, clearly contemplating. "What....what's going on? You're acting fucking...weird."

He hears her shift and his breath cuts off when she places a hand on his knee. It's meant to be comforting, he knows, but memories rush back and all Elliot sees is _dad, dad, dad_. "DON'T-" He wrenches out of her grasp and jumps to his feet, beginning to wheeze. His gaze is wavering, beads of sweat dripping down his face. "Don't- touch me."

"Jesus, Elliot." Darlene stands up and Elliot flinches away. Her eyes grow wide with concern and she shakes her head. "Seriously, what the fuck? This isn't like you-"

"What did he say," Elliot interrupts, panic clawing at his chest.

Darlene stands there for a moment, shifting on her feet uncertainly. "Mr. Robot..?"

He nods slowly.

"I..." She runs a hand through her messy brown hair and sighs. "He was being all cryptic and shit. I asked why he was there, and he said he couldn't tell me, that _you_ had to be the one to tell me...it scared me. I know you're not okay, but I thought you were doing at least- a little better?"

Elliot finds a chair on the opposite side of the room of his apartment and sits down. He curls his hands together and begins nervously rocking. A shadow moves at the edge of his vision and he sees Mr. Robot, and Elliot wants to throw up because the memories are only growing worse, and he doesn't know how he can cope with this. "I..." Elliot pushes his hands to his face and tries not to cry, throat raw with emotion. "I don't.....I don't know how to explain."

Darlene was Edward's daughter, too. She doesn't deserve to know their father was a monster, doesn't need to know what he did to Elliot. But he's not sure how much longer he can take it without killing himself. He's terrified of losing it, terrified of being alone again. "Hey. Kiddo." Mr. Robot frowns and sits across from him. "You don't have to tell her. Just....when you're ready."

He shakes his head. "I need to." Elliot needs to tell her everything. But how can he? He's been hiding things for so long, his deepest, darkest secrets, things he never wanted her to know. He has absolutely no idea where to start. "I.....after...." He gulps in a breath of air and shakily removes his hands, looking at Darlene. She's unmoving, only concerned and terrified. "After....Trenton...died, I saw her parents."

Darlene stares at him, confused. "What...?"

Elliot trembles. "I told them she was a good person. Th- that she was innocent. And then I..." He bites his lip. "I found this drug dealer."

She freezes, gaze hardening. "Elliot."

"It's- it's not like that." He shifts back in his chair, but feels more comforted with Mr. Robot close beside him. "I got morphine...a lot....went out to Coney Island, where everything started." He lets out a broken laugh, expression darkening, but finds he can't continue.

His sister eventually sits down as well, wringing her hands together nervously. "And?"

He closes his eyes. "I.... I can't... Fuck!" He balls his hands into fists and feels wetness sliding down his cheeks. "I was gonna overdose. I- I couldn't live anymore. But- but this stupid fucking kid found me-"

"Overdose?" Darlene shoots out of her seat and stares at him, shocked. "Jesus, when the fuck were you gonna tell me?! Why would- why would you even-" She shakes her head. "Seriously, why?"

"Shut up!" Elliot yells.

Everything goes silent.

His chest heaves with each ragged breath and he protectively curls his arms around himself. "I....I don't know. I was angry and upset, at myself most of all. But Trenton's little brother followed me and I had to babysit this kid for the rest of the day. We went to the movies, where dad-" His voice dies in his throat. "We went there before. I did, with.....dad. Remember when he passed out? We had to go to the hospital with him?"

Darlene sits back down. "Y- yeah, I remember. The police tried to find you, and you were just....watching that stupid fucking movie. You just walked away." She narrows her eyes. "I never understood that. Figured you were just being a dick."

"Yeah, well, after what he did-" Elliot shakes his head, breathing growing labored. No. No, no, no, he can't....he can't talk about it, not yet, not so soon-

"What- what dad did?" Darlene shakes her head. "Pretty sure you're the one that jumped out of the window."

"No, you don't understand," he snaps. Mr. Robot opens his mouth to say something but Elliot shuts him up by raising his hand. "I- that kid- looking back, I don't even know if it was fucking real." Elliot laughs. "But I remember things now. Things I didn't before. The things I said to him....I don't know how he could even live." His voice becomes low and venomous.

"Elliot...." Darlene's voice is quiet, careful. "What did you...tell him?"

He clenches his teeth together angrily. "What he deserved. That he was sick. Then- then he asked me to forgive him!" He laughs again, but it becomes more strained. "Why would I? _How_ would I?"

"Elliot-" Darlene shakes her head and he can see her trembling. She's so confused, and he doesn't blame her. "What the fuck are you talking about? Forgive him for what? Dad- wasn't he your best friend?"

That. Elliot just crumples, and the tears begin to flow, his hands clawing at his face. "No, no, no..." He topples to the ground and scoots himself up against the base of the chair, legs hugging his chest. "No....he- I can't-" He trues to control himself but he's starting to hyperventilate, Elliot doesn't even know where he is anymore, all he can see is his father reaching toward him and jesus, he wants to fucking throw up, wants to fight back but he can't— then he sees Darlene in his blurred vision and jerks away. "DON'T TOUCH ME!" he screams.

"I wasn't- fuck, Elliot!" Darlene is crying, he can see. "I wasn't trying to! Can I- can I just sit by you?"

He has to remind himself that this is Darlene. His sister. She's...she's not going to do anything. Not going to try anything, not going to touch him if he doesn't want her to. But... fuck. He's so scared. Terrified, just like a kid again. "You....you won't...hurt me, right?" He looks up at her and she visibly crumbles.

"No. Of course not. I- I would never hurt you, you know that, right?" she whispers brokenly.

Elliot tries to nod. "O-okay." He shifts to the side and lets her sit beside him, but makes sure to avoid any physical contact. He turns his head away and stares forward, unsure of where they left off. Maybe he should cut to the chase, stop trying to beat around the bush. "Remember when you told me about Vera?"

Darlene frowns slightly, hesitating. "Yeah. I remember."

"I don't....remember that." Elliot tries to control his voice now that he's calmed down, but fighting the memories...it's hard. A flash of concern is on Darlene's face once more, but she stays quiet, not interrupting. "But today- last night-? Fuck, I don't even know..." He shakes his head and rubs a hand down his face. "Vera- he kidnapped me. Took me to Krista's house. Held me at gunpoint, I-" He breathes in harshly.

Darlene flinches. "Shit," she whispers. "I guess....neither of us had a good day yesterday."

Elliot actually laughs at that. "Y-yeah," he mutters, almost smiling, but it's pale, a ghost of his past self. His ignorance. He wishes he could return to not knowing at all. "He wanted me to be his fucking partner. Wanted to talk to Mr. Robot. I think he did, but it's a blur...." Elliot leans his head back. "I....I pissed him off. Did something stupid. So he made me and Krista have a fucking therapy session."

Darlene suddenly busts out in laughter and he looks over. "Sorry," she giggles, smiling. "I....a therapy session? That's the lamest thing I've heard a bad guy do, ever."

Elliot gives a small smile back. "Y- yeah. That's what I thought, at first." It fades into something more sinister. "I thought he wanted a show. I was just trying to save Krista so they wouldn't hurt her. But....I... he said he wanted to- to destroy me and build me back up or something. At first I thought it was bullshit, but... then.....things got worse." He let out a soft wheeze again, breathing growing more labored. "I- shit, I- I can't-"

"Hey. It's okay. It's okay." Darlene reaches down and squeezes Elliot's hand. He doesn't move away, doesn't flinch. "Just....just talk. I'll listen, I won't say anything."

He nods slowly. "Okay." Elliot nods again and focuses back on the night before....or was it two nights ago...? Shit. He doesn't know, can't remember. "We talked about mom, but Vera wanted more. Said he wanted to know why Mr. Robot was created. And then he started reading from Krista's file, and- and everything kept going back to the window, when I jumped out, you remember that?"

Darlene nods silently, listening intently.

"I....I was confused. I didn't understand what they were talking about. And then I realized Mr. Robot didn't want me to hear, and I- why would he be hiding that from me? I trust him now. We trust each other, and...." He grips her hand more tightly, and his eyes cloud with tears. "He said he couldn't protect me and walked away. Krista....she started asking me questions about that day. What happened. Why I went upstairs, what you told me...."

"The camera," she whispers, then closes her eyes, reopens them. "You told me to hide."

Elliot nods. "Y- yeah. And then- and then she went over everything. About how I told you to hide, started swinging with the baseball bat, destroying things, then....then jumped." He begins to shake and a cry wrenches from his throat. "And I realized I'd been scared. I didn't know why I was scared that day, because Dad, he- he was my best friend, right? I.....that's what I thought. That's what I remembered." He shakes his head bitterly. "But it wasn't like that."

When he doesn't immediately continue, Darlene presses against his side. "Go on," she says softly, expression a mix of fearful and worried.

"I.." Elliot's lip trembles as he tries to force in his cries. "I was scared. And- and Krista asked if Dad ever hurt me, and I said no, of course not, he- he wouldn't hurt me." A pause and he gulps in another breath, and he can hardly breathe, then laughs hysterically. "But- but then- then she asked something else, and I started remembering more. That was the day Mr. Robot came out, the root to his existence. And- and-" He drops his head into his hands and begins to sob. "I was so confused. I was remembering things but I didn't know if they were real, but I know I couldn't have imagined it, I- I know I couldn't have!"

Darlene wipes a thumb across his cheek, and Elliot realizes she's crying. "Why were you.....you scared, Elliot?"

He breaks down. "Oh, God," he moans, voice breaking. "I- I don't-" Elliot thinks about Krista's words. His dad had sexually molested him. _His dad_. The person he thought he could trust, who he could count on, who he could go to for anything. "She.... Krista....she- she asked if he ever- ever asked me to do anything I didn't...want to do..."

And Darlene's expression shatters. She already knows what he's going to say.

"Darlene," he cries and he turns into her warmth. "He- Dad- he-"

"What did he do?" she asks, and somehow she sounds angry and broken at the same time. "What did Dad fucking do to you?"

Elliot can't hold back and screams into her chest, curls himself into a ball, trembling so much it feels like he's spasming. "He.....Darlene....." He cries so hard he doesn't even know what to say. "He- he- m- m- molested- me." And there it is. Elliot begins to sob heavily, and the emotions flow freely, and everything behind the mask breaks and he simply can't hold back, can't keep it to himself, it's not possible.

"Oh, Jesus...." Darlene's voice wobbles and she wraps her arms around Elliot and pulls him into her embrace. He sobs even more when she brushes her hand through his hair, and suddenly he's not sure if he's crying or yelling, but Elliot is pretty sure he's switching between the two. Everything inside is broken, and he's sure he won't ever recover, because..... how? How can he come back from something like this?

"I'm sorry," he splutters into her chest, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry....."

"D- don't be sorry," Darlene says. She slowly leans back and tilts his chin up with her hand. Tears drip down her cheeks. "Don't fucking be sorry. You didn't do anything wrong. Okay? You were protecting me. You....you were a kid. You probably didn't even know what was happening." Darlene starts crying again. "I'm sorry I- I never knew. I should've known."

"No..... I should've known...." He looks past Darlene and sees Mr. Robot, who's staring at him with a broken expression. Elliot focuses his gaze back on his sister. "But...we....we escaped. Krista....stabbed Vera, then we ran, and I don't know- I- I don't know how to handle this, Darlene. I don't think I c- can live with it."

"You have to," she whispers, closing her eyes. "I- I can't even imagine how you feel right now, but...don't blame yourself. Dad was sick, just like you said. A p-piece of fucking shit. He deserved to die. I don't....I can't love him anymore. Not when he did that to you."

Elliot sobs again. "I'm sorry I- I had to tell you. You should be able to love him."

"No." She shakes her head firmly. "That would be lying. I would be loving the person he wasn't, loving the part of him I saw. I'm on your side. Always. Don't be sorry about telling me."

Elliot grips her shoulders tightly, trying to ground himself back into reality, not get too lost in the torrent of memories. He sucks a sharp breath in through his teeth and slumps forward, face pushing against Darlene's chest. They sit there, silent, Elliot staring off into the distance, Darlene gently pushing her hand through her brother's hair. For once, things feel peaceful. And maybe that's ironic, because things are far from over and they still have work to do. But... Elliot doesn't want to move. Doesn't want to leave Darlene's embrace. Can't they just sit here for one night, holding each other like siblings should?

He closes his eyes, breath rattling against his chest, and forces his muscles to relax. He's found the key to his monster, but Elliot feels like things aren't over yet. Something else is going to happen, and he's afraid he'll come to the realization that he's as big a monster as his father was. Maybe none of this is even real, maybe he's not Elliot, maybe... maybe he's chasing the rabbit down a hole he'll never be able to claw his way out of.

When he reopens his eyes, Mr. Robot is sitting across the room, watching over the siblings with a soft look in his eyes. Elliot doesn't think he's ever see the man look so gentle, and for a moment, that expression reminds Elliot of Edward. He has to remind himself, though, that Mr. Robot may look _like_ his father, but he _isn't_. That's what matters.

_He helped me bury my past - helped me find it again, helped put me back together - and that's more than I can say for my father. He's looked out for me when no one else has, taken the blows I should've taken, protected me nonstop... because that's his job. And because he loves me._

A small smile crinkles Elliot's lips as he closes his eyes again. No matter what happens going forward, he knows that he'll have Mr. Robot and Darlene by his side. Defeating White Rose won't be easy, but Elliot's already found the key to his monster...

How much worse can Zhi Zhang be?

**Author's Note:**

> This was a oneshot I whipped up after finishing the Mr. Robot finale. I dearly wished we could've seen Elliot confessing their father's atrocities to Darlene, but nonetheless, the show ended beautifully and I wanted to get this out for my own damn sake. Hope you all enjoyed!


End file.
